Oh, bloody hell. And oh yeah!

For one, the Corporation payroll withheld 70% of my salary in taxes this month. Those masala-eating surrendermonkeys have been paying too little taxes so far, so they decided to compensate a bit now that I am leaving soon. Of course, it must be bloody difficult to get the percentage right when there are so many choices (four), and the highest one is chosen when annual income exceeds 7500 euros.

And of course I have a hugely expensive honeymoon trip to pay on top of usual living expenses this month.

On the other hand, we’re off for the said honeymoon in 12 hours. I can’t wait!

Tags: colleagues from India, holiday, it's good to be me, money, oh bugger, surprises, travel, ways of working, what is different, why I wanted a change, work

There is an expat saying, or more like a rhetorical question, that goes around. It’s used whenever anything goes wrong or works in an unexpected manner. It’s this: “Did India surprise you?” This country does surprise us, daily. Most of the time it’s nothing big, occasionally it’s even something that’s positive, working or just simply induces happiness.

As we were heading out for dinner however, the surprise was a bit on the nasty side. It’s payday today, and my sweetie gets an SMS every time the balance on his account changes. We were expecting the usual monthly sum (as is due until the end of November, the end of the contract), but somehow about 70% of the sum had been deducted. In other words, only 30% of the monthly salary landed on the account. We do not know why, but the guess is that the tax people at the Corporation have decided to do Something Radical, and they decided not to give a heads-up.

I’d say this is inconvenient, as we’re leaving tomorrow morning for Maldives and can’t reach the people at the office to find out what is going on and why. Happy honeymoon from the Corporation, or something. Sigh. Patience is wearing thin, since pretty much everything we have to sort out we also need to bitch, moan and yell at someone with the Corporation to get the sorting done.

Here’s hoping we can unscrew this screw-up. At the latest it will be sorted when we come back in a week. Expect photos, lots of photos.

Gone divin’.

Tags: oh bugger, practical stuff, surprises, what?

I finally got the call.

We’re travelling back to Finland next month.

Next destination: the sea.

Tags: it's good to be me, moving, planning, surprises, time, what?

I already touched this subject in the comment section, but there are some more things I want to say about it. The cases of mysteriously disappearing personal property (here and here) brought up some irritating aspects of the Indian culture quite well and I think those aspects deserve some closer attention.

The first point I don’t like about this country is that people are corrupted to the bone. Nobody seems to think thievery in the office as a problem since everyone has locks in their drawers. Every single Indian I talked with about these incidents was asking the same question: “Why didn’t you lock it up?”

Here’s why: the bloody building has at least one guard in each floor 24/7, no one is let in without a badge, and there’s an access card system in the doors (granted, it’s out of order right now, but still). Even I can’t get through without my badge, and I’m positive that every single guard recognises me. And after all these security measures I should keep my stuff behind locks? Am I the only one to see a problem here? What good is a squad of guards if I can’t trust them to keep thieves from stealing a plastic child’s toy? What the hell do they pay those slackers for?

The second thing I don’t like in the office is the attitude of our Team Leader. Every time I tell him there’s a problem, he tries to wriggle his way out of facing it. It’s biblically frustrating to defend my position against the person who should be my closest advocate on all matters, the single point of contact for my queries about day-to-day work. I guess he’s trying to suppress my enthusiasm to report everything that’s wrong, but that’s where he makes a grave mistake – I’ll be sure to report every problem I find. He will think me as an irritating asshole, but that’s what I am when someone tries to push me around.

Tags: colleagues from India, oh bugger, surprises, what is different, what?, why I wanted a change, work

Fuck fucking fuckety batshit-fuck fuck fucking fuck.

I’ve been ranting about my work and how things go wrong in many senses, but this is personal.

Some half-assed donkeyfucker has stolen a small rubber dinosaur my wife gave me when I left. It was innocently sitting next to my monitor when this scurvy lubber decided to snatch it.

What in the world possessed some shit-faced douchebag to steal a used kid’s toy worth two rupees? What the hell is wrong with everyone?

Well, at least the people here are extraordinarily brilliant in making the office repulsive to the maximum. As if lousy ergonomics, missing coffee rooms and dismal infrastructure weren’t enough, someone has to add injury to insult by stealing my stuff.

Fuck this job.

Tags: oh bugger, people in india, surprises, what?, why I wanted a change, work

Oh bugger.

The goddamn shit-faced communist ass-munchers in the office have shown their gratitude for my souvenirs by eating 90 per cent of the hugely expensive 3kg chocolate box I brought with me. Without my consent, implied or otherwise.

Okay, I admit I didn’t lock it up, but still: what the fuck? What the hell is wrong with these wankers?

I swear the next box I bring with me will have liquid laxative and Viagra injected in them.

Edit: Just to emphasise, the chocolates weren’t even showing. Someone has gone through my drawers in order to find them.

Tags: oh bugger, people in india, surprises, what is different, what?

I just had a moment of clarity on why I semi-constantly feel tired and mildly nauseous as if I had a slight hangover all the time. It’s really very simple, I just didn’t think of it before.

You know the feeling when you go to a summer cabin, smell the fresh air and feel so… so alive? Well, Bangalore is exactly the opposite. I dug up a study (PDF, page 10) on the city’s pollution levels and found out how bad the situation really is. Those who are interested enough to read the study may want to skip the next two paragraphs, but I’m guessing there are many who would rather read it here:

In the study the general ranges for air quality index (AQI) levels are as follows: AQI 0-25 is clean air, 26-50 is light pollution, 51-75 moderate, 75+ is heavy and 100+ is severe pollution. The index is calculated from various components and should give a reasonably accurate description of how clean or polluted the air in the area is.

I tried to find statistics for my home town of Oulu, but I’m not sure if these (in Finnish) are on the exactly same scale. Looks like the verbal descriptions match loosely, so I’ll use them as reference: the average index on suburban area of Pyykösjärvi seems to average somewhere around 9, and even the peak in the central area of the town hardly reaches 40. This is generally accepted as a no pollution zone, and this is where I come from.

Bangalore, however, is a teeny weeny bit different.

The study collects samples from 16 different stations around the central area of Bangalore (around which I move 90% of my time right now), with a whopping average AQI of  202 and only one station reaching levels below 100.

No wonder I find it hard to drag myself to the gym or a swimming pool. I really hope my future home area is a bit better.

Tags: oh bugger, surprises, traffic, what is different

It just never stops amazing me how much moods can swing during a single day. In the morning I was battered, tired and down, mainly due to the flu I had the whole last week. No appetite, no energy to do anything, and certainly no ambition to dig into the heap of mail that was waiting at work.

And whad’ya know…

I got the SIM card I had been waiting for, so now I can make calls again.

And halfway through the heap I found my pay slip for May. 5 figures.

After a nice lunch, some meetings with people and a good afternoon rest I went downstairs for dinner. I was prepared to wait forever, especially since I ordered a steak, but the chef was fast as lightning today and the whole visit took me less than 40 minutes. Seems like the universe knows when things should go smoothly since I found myself chuckling uncontrollably under my beard.

What the hell just happened?

Tags: flu, food, it's good to be me, money, oh bugger, surprises, work

The last 24 hours have been something I wish no one would have to endure. It all started as neck, shoulder and head ache, which I accounted to bad ergonomy in the office (still haven’t got a display or a keyboard) and  standing out in the heat (I had to register myself at an office with no aircon). During the evening it got worse, and by the time I was supposed to have dinner it came clear to me that something was wrong besides the usual office worker’s aches: I was dizzy, nauseous, sweaty and, in retrospective, horribly disoriented.

The reason came up – along with my lunch – just before I went to bed. I checked out the symptoms of malaria just in case, but it seems like it was just a regular case of food poisoning.  These things happen quite a lot in here, but this was my first one here. I thought it was all over and went to bed, hoping to wake up safe and sound.

As you probably have guessed already, it didn’t go that well.

I fell asleep relatively quickly, but woke up somewhere in the wee hours of the night with a biblically sore hip bone. It felt like the outermost parts of the bone (the ones on the sides) had been in a screw clamp, pressed inwards by some kilotons of force. The reason turned out to be the rock hard matress in the new bed, combined with my tendency to sleep on my side 90% of the time. I usually sleep on a soft matress that gives way for the protruding bones and distributes my weight more evenly, but these futons and straw thingies just don’t do the trick for me.

So I spent the rest of the night rolling around, sleeping on the couch, lying awake, wandering around the house, trying to sleep, looking for anything soft to sleep on, and missing my loved ones in the dark, hopeless hours of Indian night. What would I have given for being with my wife at that moment!

Eventually morning came, I gave a call to our agent, and he promised to arrange me a softer matress before end of the day. It came in around two o’clock (on a rikshaw), but looks suspiciously similar to the previous one. The coming night will tell if it’s any better.

I had already forgotten how things can suck sometimes.

Tags: accommodation, food, friends and family, oh bugger, sleep, surprises, transportation